This post is a pretty personal one, but one that I was willing to be vulnerable for because it is just not talked about enough.
We all put up a pretty picture on social media. One that usually makes everything look easy and like we have it all figured out. Spoiler alert... it is never easy and nobody has it all figured out. Every once in a while we will post bad news, but in the grand scheme of things it is still painted in a beautiful picture.
I am using this post to talk a bit about struggle and uncertainty.
The other day I came to realization that going to Paris to watch the dressage on the lawn of Versailles was more than likely not going to happen for financial reasons. It is what it is, but it sent me down a tunnel if negative emotions. If I cannot even afford to go watch, how will I ever afford to qualify and compete at the Olympics?? How?? How?? How is this ever going to happen? Luckily I was in a pretty good place that day and was able to overcome. It all of a sudden popped into my head that I felt that way about competing in Wellington for YEARS. How was I going to find the money? I was I going to find the time? Would I ever have a horse good enough to go? And guess what? All of those questions answered themselves. I had an Angel of a lady who believed in me that gifted me some funds (Thank you Lee Parmenter). I had a good savings account going after YEARS OF SAVING... AND I didn't just have one amazing horse, I had a back-up (who had to go because amazing horse number one had a bonehead moment in the pasture 1 week before leaving).
Crap is going to happen... oh man is crap going to happen. The only thing you can do is SET THAT GOAL and take the tiny steps everyday towards it. What can you do today that might make a difference tomorrow? You have to ask yourself this question everyday. If you put in the small work day after day will will hit those big goals.
I ask you this... when you see my social media posts, do not assume I have crazy financial backing, or that everything is easy for me. See my success and know that I am struggling, know that I am working hard everyday, know that I am worried about the future and how I can pull it all together, know that I wonder everyday if I am good enough, know that I wonder if I will ever have the quality of horse I need to make the "big team", know that I question if I am deserving. Know this not to feel sorry for me, know this so that you know that every person you see feels the same way you do. Every person struggles. The struggles are different, but nobody is immune from them.
Set your goals. Do not worry about how they will happen. Put in the work everyday. Ignore the outsiders who question your goals. Do your best everyday, rest , and repeat. If you want it badly enough, your everyday work will add up.
Some of my secret struggles
I keep my LinkedIn profile sending me jobs that I qualify for so that I always know that if I am not good enough, I will have a back-up plan so that I can support myself and my family. I mean... what if it all comes crashing down.
I struggle with my weight despite a good diet and crazy amounts of exercise. It is what it is and I have an amazing doctor working right along side of me trying to figure it out.
I have ADHD, but not that Hyperactivity part... that is the only part I want, lol. I chew on the sides of my cheeks and internalize all of my emotions. The plus side.... it makes me want to learn all the things and sign up for course after course. I am always studying. I like that about me.
I find body control very hard.
I grew up with a very sick mother that had a terrible genetic disease called Huntington's and I was at a 50% chance of having it. I spent my childhood thinking my life would be over in my 30's and I would be in a nursing home. I landed on the lucky side of that 50%.
I had to get PRP put in my hips because I was in so much daily pain that I thought I was going to need hip replacements in the near future. BTW... PRP IS AMAZING.
Remember that when you see the perfect social media profile... they have their own list of secret personal struggles. Do I want any of you knowing that I struggle with anything... nope. But, it is important that you know. It is important that you know that struggle is normal and just because you struggle does not mean you are not good enough. Keep struggling, embrace it. It will make you ready for your biggest goal. See your struggle as training for the future.
Comments